Get thee behind me, Bushwa

(Fortune Magazine) -- It's Spring. Spring! And among many impulses that come with the season there arrives a desire to clear out the musty, dusty crud that has accumulated in our mudrooms and attics. This includes that most important storage space of all - our brains.

Look at all the gunk up there. Who needs it? How much cleaner it would be if we took a moment to sweep a little bit, beat the rugs, and consign a bunch of effluvia to the dumpster. Then we could start a new day with a sparkling fresh brain! How great would that be? Let's see ...

There seems to be a whole bunch of celebrities up there, first of all. Can Brad and Angelina stop the rumors? Is it really over? Was Britney's body improvement a product of diet or surgery? Is Lindsay boozing again? What's up with TomKat? Is Katie cozying up with her co-star? Who is her co-star? Can Dr. Phil stop the war between Alec and Kim? What's the real reason Rosie quit? And what's up with Heidi and Lauren? Who are Heidi and Lauren? In fact, who are any of these people? Get 'em out of here!

Ah, that's better. Now there's a whole anteroom I can dedicate to thinking about world peace.

Let's see what else is lurking behind my eyeballs. There's a bunch of speculation about the future of the media in an ultra-fragmented marketplace. That may not be one of your issues, but I'm sure you have a Big Subject that you're supposed to be thinking about all the time, trying to untangle. I have a friend in the lighting business who has to think about Sustainability all the time. Something about how incandescent lights aren't as sustainable as fluorescents. He stays up at night, worrying about Sustainability as fiercely as I pace the floor obsessing about the consolidation of advertising agencies.

I'm not saying such things aren't important. Maybe we could save a pile of this material and tuck it by the door to look at when the mood strikes. But there's no reason it should be blocking that window, the one that lets in light from the garden.

Now there's an improvement. I can see the rosebushes ...

Where was I? Oh, yes. How about that massive accumulation of junk related to my age, weight and hair status? I am at a stage of life where a significant improvement in any of those categories is unlikely. On the bright side, I remember where I parked my car when I go to the movies, continue to fit into my suits and seem to require a comb after my shower. Things could be worse. In fact, they most assuredly will be. What's the point of worrying about it? I'll just remove the mirrors from this portion of the mental attic and put up something else. I guess some bookshelves wouldn't do any harm, or one of those digital flat-screen TVs.

Things are looking so much more springlike already. But there's still a daunting mass of clutter over there in the very farthest corner. What could that be? It sure is ugly. Oh, yeah. I recognize it now. It's all the disappointments, jealousies, frustrated ambitions, poisonous resentments and thwarted desires I've assembled since I last did this.

Over there is the raise I thought I deserved and didn't get. It's been nearly six months since that happened. What's it still doing here?

There's the promotion my pal Andover received last August that gave him a slightly better title and expense account than me. I can't believe it's still hanging around. He's not even in the same corporation! Get it out of here!

Oooh. Under that pile of old memos I never should have kept is a really gruesome sight - the glee I felt when Rattigan, my old nemesis from the mid-1990s, was fired from what will probably be the last big job he'll ever get. Man, who ever knew that kind of thing could take up so much space. Out! Out, I say!

What a difference a good spring cleaning makes. Why don't I extend this effort to the outside world? I'm looking at my desk right now, stacked with junk I'll never get around to. And its drawers - ¡ay, caramba! What could be in there?

... A memo from Walt, my old boss, who left here in a hurry in 1997 ... and here, could it be? - yes, it is - the 1988 Strategic Plan. I remember those days. They're so long ago now. That's what happens in this life. One minute you're young and it's all about hope and upside, and then you close your eyes for a moment and it's 2007 and the whole world looks completely ...

Hmm. Don't think I'll keep that up right now. I have other things to occupy my mind.

I wonder what Rosie is going to do now that she's left The View?

Stanley Bing's new book, "Crazy Bosses" (Collins), is available at finer bookstores everywhere. He can be reached at stanleybing@aol.com and on his Web site, stanleybing.com.